Pleasure Is a Practice
Let’s be real: for a lot of us, “good sex” used to mean pounding away, racking up positions, or getting drunk enough to forget our shame. We thought it was about performance—orgasms, acrobatics, and pretending to enjoy shit we didn’t even feel.
But here’s the thing nobody taught us:
On Episode 280 of Get Your Sexy Back For Couples, Kim & Roberto share a simple and powerful 2-part message:
Pleasure is a practice. Good sex doesn’t just happen.
(Want to tune into this episode? Listen on Apple or Spotify here.)
From Pounding and Drunk Sex… to Real Connection
Roberto shares that his old idea of good sex was “a good pounding and withholding ejaculation for more than two minutes.” For Kim, it was “drunk sex—99.9% of the time.” The lights were off. The goal was to come and be done. And underneath it all lurked shame, sexual trauma, and disconnection from the body.
So many of us have been there. We’ve used alcohol to numb insecurity or past wounds. We’ve done what porn, religion, or society told us we should. We’ve been starfish in bed, just hoping it would be over soon.
If this is you, you’re not broken. You’re not failing at intimacy. You’ve simply been taught the wrong script.
Good Sex = Deep Presence, Not Just Penetration
These days, our definition of good sex is radically different. It’s:
Deep connection through touch.
Feeling safe enough to surrender—to pleasure, to grief, to anger, to tears.
Moving energy through the body instead of chasing an orgasm.
Bringing presence and curiosity to every moment.
Sometimes that means a 40-minute pussy massage with no goal other than letting a woman fully surrender and feel cared for. Sometimes it’s a cock massage focused not on getting hard or ejaculating but on simply feeling. It’s about nourishing each other—not racing to a finish line.
Yes, we still love sex that leads to wild orgasms.
But what makes it next-level is the connection, the trust, the raw vulnerability that builds before anyone’s clothes come off.
Pleasure Is More Than Sex.
Pleasure is how you touch your partner’s arm. It’s the clothes you wear. The way you savour your morning coffee. The softness of your partner’s skin under your fingertips.
This is why we say:
“Good sex doesn’t just happen because we don’t know how to feel. We don’t know how to express. And we’re sitting with bubbles of shame and disconnection that kill intimacy.”
Pleasure as a practice means tuning in—moment by moment—to what feels good. It means choosing curiosity over autopilot. It means letting desire grow organically instead of pushing for a goal.
Start Small: Touch Without Agenda
One of our favourite tips:
Shock your partner by touching them with no expectation of sex.
Rub their feet on a Tuesday night. Stroke their hair. Massage their lower back. Leave it at that. No strings, no assumptions, no pressure.
For many women, touch without an agenda is the ultimate permission slip to relax, trust, and eventually open. It’s how you bring safety back into intimacy- and how you lay the groundwork for mind-blowing sex down the road.
Epic Sex Is Possible For You Too
We’ve both gone from disconnected, numb sex lives to experiences that are “out of this fucking world.” Not because we became sexual gymnasts, but because we learned to feel deeply and stay present.
Kim puts it perfectly:
“My sex back then was maybe a two out of ten. Now it’s an eight out of ten—and I know there’s so much more.”
If you’re reading this and thinking this sounds amazing, but I don’t know how we’d ever get there, consider this your sign. You’re not as far away from sacred, connected sex as you think.
Whether you’re craving a private retreat to dive into pussy massage and sacred sexuality—or just want to feel seen and heard as a couple again—we’re here for you.
At Phoenix Rising Retreats, we co-create intimate journeys tailored to your unique desires and boundaries.
This isn’t therapy. It’s something deeper. It’s about unlocking the epic sex, intimacy, and connection that’s already inside you.
Ready to explore? Our November 20–24 Group Retreat is a full Tantra experience — and registration is now open.
Here’s what you’ll experience:
• Practices that bring your body into safety so pleasure can expand
• Tools to rewire old patterns of shame, disconnection, or performance
• Sacred intimacy rituals that turn sex into something nourishing and electric
• Private time to take everything you’ve learned into your own bed
This isn’t about doing more. It’s about remembering what’s already inside you…and bringing it alive together.
Only 5 spots for 5 couples. First-come, first-served for your room selection (GeoDomes or cottage rooms).
👉 Reserve your retreat spot here.
PS: If November doesn’t fit your calendar, our February retreats are also open at the same link.
👉 Or book a free Exploration Call to ask your questions and see if this feels right for you.
Because Your relationship deserves more than “fine.” Let’s rise together.
With Love,
